I miss the days when we are all young and happy and roam free without worry
I miss the days when we all gather around sing and chat night to dawn without end
I miss the days when we all share every moment of high or low
I miss the days when we all ponder the future of hope or despair
Now we have all gone our separate ways
The world has not been the same
I thank you my friends for all the love there is
I would not be who I am today without you
The future seems much uncertain
and I continue search of the place where I belonged
But until that day
I've lost faith
Until the day I reinstated the purpose of my life
I choose to alienate myself
from this world
Farewell

So, Jim and other people are coming down this weekend and we are goning to have more hotpot nights, an extension to our long established tradition at Bucknell, thanks to my bros, you knows who you are That push me for some more aggressive household cleaning duties. Some wall punchings, room reconfiguration, moving and shaffling. Too bad I like to keep my place clean whenever friends come to visit, haha. Maybe they should really come visit more often so I can be as motivated to keep my apt tidy once in a while.

I got invited by Tiff to the new year party at her house. I ended up celebrating the night with a group of strangers, 60 people crowded in the house. I brought a bottle of La Monica Montepulciano D'abruzzo and a bottle of Remy martin VSOP, and hoping that this idea would bring me a whole new perspective and experience.

It was, for the good parts, I mingled and made some new friends. Everyone's happy and drinking up. Near new year tick, we counted down and toasted with champagne. The firework was splendid. A group of us then move along to the bar. A bunch was chanting "Happy New Year" amid the rain.

But at the time, a part of my feeling was ringing hollow. The same feeling when I'm alone or feel insignificant of myself. I've been wanting to understand that feeling. Longing friends and families was just symptom of the problem, I felt there was a deeper cause to the feeling.

Missy, hsiang, T and Jacksy would have been great people for such philosophical talk if we were still at school and hang out like old days. But now we have all moved on with our life, and good times don't come around. Missy were the closest to me location-wise. Occasionally, I would went back and visit her. But lately, it's been difficult to talk to her。 Hsiang has been one great true friend to me, giving me constant support at all times. T's amazingly smart. He's one of the very first person I met at Bucknell and get to knows him better through 4 years of college together. But his mind is progressing so rapidly since then that most of the time I had this feeling that I can no longer catch up to his thoughts. Jacksy's great though he remains much of a mystic man to me still. Haha

James asked me today what I want to do in the new year. I thought of things that happened in 2006. Truthly, a lots of new changes have happened. For one thing, I will not forget my last semester at Bucknell. I spent more time socializing than I spent on class work. Clubs,Bars,House Parties, Wing nights,Basketball Nights, Champagne, study breaks, late-night dunkin, mid march Halloween party, BU after darks, and Hot Pot nights. I guess it's what we called 'senioritis'. I also met Missy last semester through one of the Hot Pot Nights.

Then comes one of biggest moments of my life, the graduation. It was harsh, seeing everyone off and saying goodbye to them for real. Some I might never see them again. I've been fearing for the coming of this day. I know that once I graduated, it won't be the same again, even when I come back to Bucknell again. It rained bad that day and we were all sitting out in the open squad. It was bad that my mind was completely occupied by the coldness. I couldn't think more. It was good? that it left a lasting impression of that day.

Summer came, I took a trip to China. The trip was absolutely remarkable. I miss China. I traveled to several of main east coast cities including Beijing, Shanghai, hangzhou, suzhou, and etc. The free will of buying and eating everything I want since everything is so cheap there, is the best among the best feelings. It was also great living in a high furnished condo that oversee the heart of the city. I hope to visit there soon again.

When I came back, I was immediately plunged into another major change, my first career. Four months into my job, I'm still feeling unease over it. I like the learnings, but I still dislike the whole notion of working. Right now, I see it more as a temporary solution until I figure out a good way to live a better life. In the meanwhile, I will work hard and focus on my learning parts. As a part of effort, I started taking night classes at Johns Hopkins, and also volunteering math tutor at Baltimore County Community College.

Alot has happened in the 2006. But what is done is gone. we now look into 2007. For 2007, I made myself two goals. I want to focus more at what I do at works and make a fame for myself, haha. And I want to learn more about myself.

I'm supposed to be visiting Bucknell tonight with several of my friends, but I ended up instead lying home with a fever. I slept another 16 hours last night. When I woke up this morning, my body was feeling weak and still burning hot.

But as bad as it is to be sick, it is probably the only time when I can totally relax and relief myself. I'm alone by myself in my own world, no disturbance from the outside world, my mind totally free. Everything needed to be deal with I'll let it be deal with in the later. In a way, it has also make time for me to pick up reading from my book collection, which I have pretty much put to dust since I find myself to have less time to do so nowaday.

The day past by quietly. Tomorrow when I wake up, it sure will be just another day, like usual.

Time flys by so quickly. It's been three weeks since I started my new rotation working with the radar group. For one thing, I have a better feel for this rotation compares with my previous one. I'm working with a better group of people, a better program, and I have a great manager. Jeff inspires me. He's very knowledgeable, hard working, has strong work ethic, and very respectful of others. Jeff reminds me of my mentor Jay at the DoD internship. Both of them made a great role model for me.

But three weeks into the program, I'm still lost as to what I'm supposed to do. That bothers me. I've been doing a lot of catchup readings. It helps but not enough to clear up my head. It's like I have every piece of puzzle at hand except for the crucial pieces that glues the whole puzzle together. Until I find those piece, it remains a puzzle to me. That cumulate alot of stresses for me lately. I'm back on struggles.

Tonight NEAT has a duckpin bowling event. I went. It helped release my stresses I supposed.

It's hard to realized the fact sometime how materialistic and realistic people are in this world. Unless they really like you or can do them good, sux it up, nobody's gonna care about you and what you do. The evil has its deep root onto human's soul. Selfishness, Egoism, Moralness. It's just like everyone praying for the good deeds and worshiping for the good causes, but when it really comes to the true call, everyone shreds away. Everyone's bearing a fake mask.